This self-portrait series is shot mainly on large format film, often in my apartment. By embracing chance and experimentation, I create honest and intimate reflections of myself. Having struggled with depression and low self-esteem for much of my life, these self-portraits are helping to teach me how to truly love myself.

Self-Portrait Triptych [8x10” format, long exposure, November 2024] (first three images)

Silver gelatin archival prints, 8x10” (for each print), Edition of three.

For this self-portrait triptych, I embraced the element of chance and intentional blur. I took these photographs in my small apartment, using a dark gray curtain as the background. A single LED panel was used for lighting. Due to the lack of light and slowness of the camera, each exposure was between 15-30 seconds. As I didn’t have any assistants, I had to use the bulb feature in order to be the photographer and subject simultaneously. This means I had to activate the shutter release on the camera, quickly return to where I was posed, count to 15 or 30 in my head, then return to the camera to stop the exposure. Because of this, a lot of blur is created in the final images. 

When I was younger, I was obsessed with sharpness and despised intentional blur. However, I have come to embrace blur during my large format era. When taking 8x10 self-portraits in dim lighting, there is really no way around it. I have discovered that there is a certain authenticity when abandoning sharpness and perfect looking images. An authenticity which can’t be marketed, branded, or used to impress others. I find these blurred self-portraits speak a greater emotional truth than if they were perfectly sharp. There is an element of mystery, of internal uncertainty, which is embodied here. I feel as though my soul is on display, honestly and purely.